Monday, January 17, 2011

3D...or F You Bit Torrent!

This weekend I saw the "Green Hornet" flick, not terrible, not good, but fun as hell. This is not a review of that film, this is going to be a rant against the scourge that is 3D.

To start with I am going to say that some 3D is not too bad. If the movie was filmed in 3D and it kinda makes sense for the story then I am fine with it (I am looking at you Tron: Legacy). As much as I hated "Avatar" as a movie I have to admit that the 3D was pretty. This is more about the shit that is post-converted 3D.

They say that fads tend to be cyclical, and 3D looks to be no different. It was big in the 50's as a gimmick to get your ass in the seat and it is a gimmick in the 2000's for exactly the same reason. It is a way to inflate ticket prices (by as much as five fucking dollars!) and make the box office returns higher. Fine, everybody has to make money on morons for that is the way of fads. More power to ya, Studios. But I am not going to pay it, I am going to "vote with my wallet" as they say. I brought up the "Green Hornet" earlier because I had to search out a theater in my area that had a non 3D showing. I drove out of my way to see it in good ol' two dimensions.

Yes I am sure that with gas prices what they are, driving 20 miles for a movie did not save the $3.50 that the theater 2 miles away up-charges for 3D. On the other hand Fuck You local theater. I will be doing the same for "Thor" and any other damn movie that has been post converted. Come on theaters, if you are going to have the 3D version at least have a few showings of the 2D as well.

The post conversion process brings down the lighting and brightness of film because it has to go through a couple of different generations. Therefore it makes everything darker, then they have to digitally brighten everything which further degrades the picture. So you are not seeing what the director of photography did on set while filming. Just look at "The Last Airbender" or "Clash of the Titans", reports indicated that you could not see any detail and that it was incredibly hard to see the action. (Quick disclaimer: That F'ing Monkey does not condone watching either of those movies...ever. Watch the 1981 version of Titans and the excellent Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoon. You have been warned)

As 3D becomes more and more of a money maker more Studios are going to insist on using the format for every damn thing. It is going to start looking like an SCTV sketch all the time.

So in the end Fuck You 3D, Fuck You right in the ass!

What do you think? Do you think I should get the fuck off the ol' high horse and suck it up? Let us know in the comments. Participate and be a friend of the Monkey!


  1. God Damn your right Ken. So few movies coming out are worthy of the 3D money. Is there a site where you can find out if a movie was made for 3D or whether it was added on in post production? IMDB? I'll take that challenge and fuck 3D in the ass.. lol

  2. Hahaha. If it is in Green it is Brandon who wrote that. I'll look into if there is a better way to show post authors.

  3. Well, I guess the Cake Fucker guest blog banner was dropped to soon.

  4. I don't care who wrote it so long as you keep preaching the Truth. Right on, my brother.

  5. The next theater I go to that doesn't have 2d showings of a 3d movie is going to burn. Look for it on the news!!!

  6. I'm with you! I don't understand how anyone who claims to love film can condone these abominations against an art form. I can't wait until the fad dies out again(which it will).



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